The sovereign child or sacrificial lamb?
There are different approaches to old age. One is the silence of assumption: “We are secure. Our children will take care of us.” The other is the silence of resolve: “We must remain capable, and add on to the cups of next generation.” The difference between these two quiet beliefs can echo across generations. In many households, children were never just children. They were future security. Sometimes that security was imagined in the form of a son for financial continuity, physical protection, lineage. In other homes, especially where daughters were married albeit nearby, security was emotional with expectations of companionship, caregiving, presence in old age. The child became, subtly, an anchor. But anchors work both ways. They stabilize, and they restrict movement. When parents unconsciously treat a child as emotional or economic insurance , a psychological contract forms. It is rarely spoken aloud. The child simply absorbs it: My independence may destabilize my parent. That message...